I started my fitness and health bursts in 2001. These bursts of exercise, healthy decisions, and trying miracle foods were easy and all yielded nice results when I was single and in my 20’s. After years of this, my family and friends all joked about my new addiction to “weird eating” which truly was just eating healthy.
When Life Happens
Then, I got married and had two 9+lb. kids by our 2nd anniversary and our 3rd baby by our 5th anniversary, and was working 12-hour day/night shifts. I said many things in those exhausted days: I need caffeine and sugar to stay awake, no one can be a gym rat and work nights, I can’t cook food for me separate from the kids, the lies went on and on. With all the pressures, I left me behind.
In December, my confidence was way low, chubby Sarah was going to have to by bigger clothes soon and I couldn’t understand what the fuck was wrong with me! Why aren’t healthy fats in abundance the key to skinny Sarah? Why isn’t yoga working???? Why am I not having sex naked anymore? Why won’t I get on top? I needed an earthquake or an eruption in my life. I do pray and made this my focus.
One day, Facebook had Jess pop up on my suggested friends and we use to hang out in similar circles years ago, so I reached out to say hi. Next thing I see is her in heels and a bikini at competition and I was hooked! How could she do this? Maybe I am full of shit and this is like that time I bought the 21 day fix.
We spoke-she used the words 8 week shred and I made me a promise to make a habit. I follow this program diligently, but I have such lies that I believe that I fight through daily. I started to keep track of my lies daily on my phone and here are some:
I am too tired to work out before or after a 12 hour shift-especially nights.
I am not ever going to get results.
I don’t belong here (The gym), but everyone else does.
I’m not attractive.
These exercises will never become intuitive.
Everyone here knows that I pee a little in jumping moves.
Soon I will stop this charade and go backward to unhappy, unmotivated, 2nd rate Sarah.
Who do I think I Am? I’m not going to keep this up for long.
These lies are just an iota of the shit I say inside. However, that is not keeping me from becoming a passionate, motivated woman who walks into that same area of the gym with all the grunting gym-rats nowadays.
My physical results are that I have less rolls around my bra, pants, shirts. The size isn’t yet different, but I had been pushing it in those clothes anyway! I feel confident when I walk these days. I finally lost weight as well! This is not my focus though-measurements made me happier than weight tracking.
Please put yourself first one day at a time if you are just contemplating this for yourself. Just do it today, then choose it again tomorrow. One day at a time really is how I live this new piece of my life. I feel important again in my own life and I am treating this like an infant that needs me to protect and nourish it.
thanks to Jessika who lifted me to a higher standard for myself.