Here we are still in this awful relationship in a cycle that we cant find a way out of. We know we are suffering but we lack the energy to get up off the floor and do something. It feels like we are trying to get out of the ocean but the tide keeps pulling us in and the waves keep breaking on us. We may feel totally powerless after having been so sure that we were were on the right path.
When we are empowered we are like an impenetrable wall but its impossible to feel anything but weak when we put all of our hopes into another solution that leaves us disappointed. If you didnt do so yet Please read blog one and two in the series.
We are groomed from puberty to strive for the perfect body and we spend our lives trying to achieve it, no matter the cost. We listen to anyone that we think knows more than us and we buy anything they are selling. The cycle of sadness, hope, and disappointment keeps going around like a carousel and we just keep riding it. In the process we are creating more issues by buying solutions to problems we dont even have.
Are we being groomed to stay weak and dependent? It would seem but many of us don’t ever even stop to ask, Is this even what we want? Are we being preyed upon?
A victim is one that is injured, destroyed, or sacrificed under any of various conditions; someone that is tricked or duped. That’s us! We feel weak because we have been victimized and the effects permeate our whole lives from puberty on. So much value is placed on appearance in this culture, for all humans but especially for women. We need to be a certain size or have a certain appearance otherwise we feel worthless and ashamed. We may not feel like we measure up to all those who “appear” perfect. We receive these messages constantly to the point where me become fixated. The pain of inadequacy grows past the point of bearable for many of us. That pain is so great that we will do anything to make it stop. That’s it, the pain point where the cycle repeats. We aren’t really weak but we may have foggy lenses. We likely aren’t seeing clearly. We think what will bring us peace is the weight loss, we need this diet this product, this fix, this thing that will make you look like you are supposed to look so you can finally be free of the internet pain of inadequacy. We dont see that the thing that is promising to build us up is actually the exact thing that broke us down and keeps us broken down and leaves us in a weakened state.
The disappointment we feel is heavy and most times we believe that we are the ones to blame. We start swimming in that shame pool and blaming ourselves because we just cant get it right and we slip just a little further down onto the floor. We cant see the door, the way out. All of this anguish becomes an enormous obstacle. When we started the process our only issue maybe was wanting to drop a few pounds and now we feel so much worse than when we started. The only solutions we can see don’t really seem like solutions and some part of us may even be aware that they are the reason we are laying on the floor in the first place.
Weakness is totally a four letter word in our society. We think we have to be strong and motivated all the time. We see pictures of lions attacking anything in their path in every motivation meme. I think in my life to times when I felt beaten down, what helped me…not a picture of a lion, that’s for sure. When I compare myself to others or some ideal, I alway feel worse. There are many messages that come our way that are supposed to help and motivate us (or at least they say so) but they only hurt us and cause shame (it’s for your own good). I think many of us feel weaker
I used to confuse vulnerability and weakness, not at all the same thing.
Vulnerability and openness may be the exact way out of this broken relationship. Huge step, huge ask, I know. How does admitting vulnerability help us here? In my life the most growth has happened when I let go of whatever I was holding onto with my closed fist with white knuckles. I have to give myself permission to try another path. What does vulnerability look like? maybe in this case it’s an open door whereas the struggle and perception of weakness may be a closed door, its very difficult for growth to happen from that place. In my experience the pain of becoming vulnerable was scarier than anything ironically, it Brought me the most strength.
How do you feel when you think about letting go or surrendering?
How do you feel about being vulnerable?
Is the fear maybe keeping you stuck?